Random Ramblings

This space intentionally left boring

2006-07-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

Once again, I don't really have anything to ramble about. It's not like what I write is ever what one might call "relevant" or "exciting" or even "interesting." But you're reading it, anyway. If I were you, I would consider getting a hobby. Wait until after I've finished my ramble, though. I'd hate to think I wrote this thing for nothing.

Which brings me to an email I received tonight from the lovely Erin who told me, "I just want you to know I am here and still reading (even if it is 6 weeks late)." That's right, she was responding to a post from May 27th.

I have to say I admire her perseverance. Real life can get in the way of things, and some people might consider deleting a ramble that old from her inbox just to make life that much simpler. Heck, some people would consider deleting new rambles out of general principle. But not Erin. And that is why she is extra spiffy.

I don't care how long it takes y'all to read these things. I'm just glad you read them. And Erin, thank you. You made me giggle with your email, and that is priceless in my book.

Shameless self promotion

My other blog, Willamette Valley Daily Photo now has its very own daily reminder mailing list. You'll join, won't you? Please?? Pretty, pretty, pretty please???

Not that I'm begging or anything. Come on, experience a little bit of Oregon via my photos. It does a body good. Four out of five dentists recommend it. Tango the Wonder Kitty reads it every single day. You want to be like Tango, don't you?

Speaking of the little devil, I have a new photo of him, which you can see at right. He was rolling around on the kitchen counter the other day, literally posing for the camera. Yes, he is smiling in the photo.

I had to get a new (actually, it's refurbished) digital camera the other day because my old one is dying, so that means I've been taking pictures constantly. And that means I also have some new photos of Pesha and Butler, plus some other stuff:

I'm still working on getting good photos of the other animals. If you want to see what other photos I've been taking (both from the daily photo site and otherwise), check out my Flickr photo gallery.

That's all for now. Take care, all. Especially Erin, who will probably see this sometime in 2007.

Startling self discovery

2006-06-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

I am such a girl.

I say this because of a mouse. Well, technically, three mice. They scare me. Hence, I fulfill the stereotype of a scared female when it comes to mice.

It's a ridiculous fear, but there it is. Just the idea of encountering a mouse gives me the willies in a major way.

We had a mouse in the house a few months ago, which I never saw. One of our cats caught it, it was disposed of, and I was happy... for a while. Last night, another (dead) mouse was discovered. Again, I didn't see it, so it wasn't that bad. But today, one of the cats was sniffing around the bottom of the oven, and sure enough, a mouse came scurrying out from under it and ended up under the couch.

No, I did not go after it. I ran the other direction, actually. And, again I didn't even see it. I was told about it as it was happening. That was enough.

I went and bought two different types of mouse traps and we have four cats on guard duty. I sincerely hope they get the little critter before I encounter it. I also hope there aren't any more of them.

We've lived in this house for 23 years, and this is the first time mice have been an issue. I don't know why they've decided to invade the place, but I wouldn't mind if they'd just stop now. I don't want to kill them, I just want them gone.

Watching the Stewart Little movie just didn't prepare me for the real thing. Michael J. Fox's voice was nowhere around, and mice do not drive cars. At least, not these mice. There might be exceptions somewhere. Just because I've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, after all.

Anyway, so that's my life at the moment. Feel my pain. Or not. Whatever.

I'm also a valley girl

I'm proud to say my Willamette Valley Daily Photo blog has been around for a month now. If you haven't visited it yet, I'd be every so grateful if you'd spend a few minutes to taking a look around the site. A new photo is posted every day, and it just had its first guest photographer.

From the blog you can visit dozens of other daily photo blogs from all over the world. The one in Paris is really well done... they are all well done. Give 'em a look. The links are along the right-hand side (look for the city photo blog expandable link 'rolls').

I probably won't post again before the 4th, so I want to wish everyone who celebrates it a happy and safe U.S. Independence Day. I'm planning on going to the parade here in town to take pictures, because, gosh darn it, I have to have photos to post.

Take care all.

New daily photo blog, and limping forward

2006-06-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, my brain has dribbled out my ears. That may not surprise you, if you've ever read any of my previously ramblings.

Anyway, due to my present state of brainlessness, I've decided to start a daily photo blog of the beautiful Willamette Valley, here in Oregon. It's really not a good idea for me to start this, since I already have entirely too many web sites. I told you, no brains.

It all started last week when I discovered the wonders of the City Daily Photo Yahoo Widget. It is a desktop application which cycles through the various city photo blogs and displays their current photos. Since I don't live in town big enough to support 365 photos a year, I've decided to have mine encompass the entire Willamette Valley, which basically spans between Portland to Eugene, which are over 100 miles apart. It's horribly under represented in the grand photo blog stage. Plus, I'm stupid.

So, if you get a chance, give it a visit. It will have a new photo every day, hence the 'daily photo blog' aspect of things, along with captions describing where it was taken, and miscellaneous other gibberish. In fact, they're basically mini-rambles. If you do visit, I'll love you forever. But if you don't... well, I'll love you anyway.

If you have photos of the area, I very much welcome contributions. So g'wan, you know you want to.

I may start a mailing list for the photo blog. If I do, I'll let ya know.

Limping forward

My dog, Lucky, has a hurt leg. She won't walk on it, and most of the time, she simply can't walk. That means she must either be carried, which, after trying it, I simply cannot do (she's too heavy, and my shoulders, back, and neck are not happy body parts after I tried to do just that), or she needs some sort of transportation. Her own wheels, if you will.

Which, I am proud to say, she now has. I bought my dog her very own Radio Flyer little red wagon. Granted, I still have to pick her up to put her in and take her out, but otherwise, it's all good. She took to it instantly. I couldn't afford to buy the thing, but it needed to be done.

So that's fun. She's an old fart of a dog who's not inclined to do much, anyway, but she does need to go outside frequently. And I'm not supposed to be lifting even remotely heavy objects. My doctors would have a fit. So this seems a happy alternative. It's better than nothing, at any rate.

I'm trying to convince Tango the Wonder Kitty to get in the wagon and take a ride, but so far, no luck. I'll keep you posted.

You know, I always wanted a Radio Flyer when I was a kid, but never had one. But now I get to pull my dog around in one, so I guess it's all good.

Until next time, take care all. And if anyone wants to come over for a ride in my new wagon, just let me know.

Vote Xena, and all the kings horses?!

2006-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Before my ramble, I'd like to request that... oh, everyone on the planet go over to Teavee.com and vote for Xena:

Xena: Warrior Princess at Teavee.com

It's unfortunately in second place at the moment for best TV show. So, please go vote every five minutes (who needs sleep?), or as much as you can. The voting ends June 1st. Yes, it's fairly pointless, but for whatever reason, I've become emotionally invested in the outcome.

The logic of nursery rhymes

Let me say up front: while I read all the time as a child, I didn't read nursery rhymes, Dr. Seuss, etc. It was just never my thing. None the less, at least one has apparently penetrated my brain enough to be the subject of the very first voice memo I left myself, back in December.

Yes, friends, it's another MP3 (90k in size) of my lovely mumbling voice:

Humpty Dumpty

The translation: "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... really, you know, big-ass dude like that, breakable, he really shouldn't be sitting on a wall."

If you ask me, ol' Humpty was just looking for trouble. He was an egg. He had to know if he fell, he wasn't gonna make it. He must have had a death wish by climbing that wall.

But it's not the rescue squad was any better. I can see sending the King's men, but expecting the King's horses to help put him back together is just silly. If anything, they probably just made things worse. Their fine motor skills are a bit lacking, what with those hooves of theirs and all.

So, as you can clearly see, I've put entirely too much thought into this. I can't remember what I did five minutes ago, but my brain is busy working on non-essential junk. It's good to have my priorities straight.

This just in from Tango the Wonder Kitty: "xac." I don't know what it means, but Tango just typed it, so it must mean something. It could be a coded message to all his Tango's New World Order recruits. Be warned.

The TNWO

2006-05-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

********** ALERT **********

We interrupt this irregularly scheduled ramble to bring you an important announcement. Please, read it.

********** ALERT **********

A disturbing... well, disturbance has come to my attention. You've probably heard the warnings about using MySpace, due to predators, etc. You may also be aware I was enlisted to create a MySpace profile for Tango the Wonder Kitty.

What you may not know -- indeed, I wasn't aware of it until quite recently -- is what I've come to call Tango's New World Order, or TNWO for short.

Recently, the lovely Tyris contacted me via my MySpace profile. She is a reader of my rambles, and has a cat named Spot. Visit Tyris' profile to see a slideshow of her furry companion (and a beautiful, darling, and simply spiffy Betty Boop street sign, which I probably should mention I made). This is when it all began.

It started innocuously enough -- a coded message from Tango to Spot ("the eagle flies at dawn"), and then back again ("the crow is in the cornfield"). But soon, a bigger picture emerged.

It has been revealed Tango, Spot, and untold numbers of other internet-connected cats (there are way more than you think, trust me), are using the net to bring about this new world order. The details are still unclear, but evidence points to a form of human enslavement, possibly involving the erosion of the o-zone layer. Tyris' and my theory is thus:

The more eroded the o-zone layer becomes, the hotter the planet becomes. To escape the heat and potentially deadly sun rays, people naturally retreat indoors... which is where their cats are. Do you see the genius? The more the humans are indoors, the more attention, food, treats, catnip, etc., the humans give their cats.

As you can see, it's a widespread conspiracy, and it's lead by none other than Tango himself.
I've always wondered why he liked to lay on my printer/scanner/copier so much. Now I see he's been using it to further his nefarious plans. Here I was thinking he was making blank copies by randomly walking on the buttons, but what if they really aren't blank, but can be read by other cats? What if he's scanning in and copying recruitment materials? I have noticed a marked reduction in my printer paper supply as of late.

You may be wondering where dogs fit into the grand scheme of things. Their role is as it has always been: entertainment for the cats. At least, that's how it is in my house. Plus dogs are good for manual labor, and are willing to work for treats and rawhide chews.

And don't think those of you without one or more cats are immune from their plans. I haven't been able to piece together that part of the plan, but it's there. No one is safe.

I'll keep you updated as details become available. If Tango says it's okay, of course.

You like me, you really like me

2006-05-13T04:53:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to report I have received a ground swell of support from my loyal reading audience (3 people!) regarding my ramblings. That has inspired me to ramble again, despite the very real obstacle of not having an actual topic. That hasn't exactly stopped me before.

Oh, sure, there are blogs out there which actually write about things like politics, human rights, low-flow toilets (gosh, I love Dave Barry!), that sort of thing. But that's not my style. No, my style is... um...

I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out. Don't hold your breath.

Okay, technically, I have three topics, as pointed out by the lovely Erin, based on some voice memos I've left for myself over the last few months. I think I'll split them up into different rambles, otherwise this one will be very, very long (as opposed to very long), and we can't have that, because then it would be all very, very long and stuff.

Decorating Senseless

Here is the actual voice memo (in MP3 format, 90k in size):

Our decorating style

For those who can't understand my mumbling, I said, "Mom watching Home & Garden... and our decorating theme in our house is 'animal hair.'"

I would like to say this made sense when I recorded it. But as I remember, I was in bed, mostly asleep, when the thought (such as it is) struck me enough to record it. That was two months ago. I had completely forgotten about it until last night.

Mom watches the Home & Garden channel a lot. She's one of those people who has some sense of decorating style, so she finds useful things in what they show. Me, I sit there and make fun of the people on it. They're just so darned perky. And I can't even stand to watch the DIY (Do It Yourself) network. I feel the strong urge to slap everyone on there until they snap out of whatever drugs they're being given. No person is that relentlessly chipper without the aid of powerful narcotics.

One show I do like on Home & Garden is "What's With That House?" The host is a riot, and I love to ponder how often he bleaches his hair, and how much peroxide he must use. The show, as you might glean from the title, is about houses, and people who wonder what's with them. The host cracks wonderful jokes. He's spiffy.

So, anyway, getting back to whatever the point of this was... hold on, let me scroll up... ah, yes, the animal hair thing. As you may know, we have four cats, three dogs, and one guinea pig all living under one roof. That means, despite out best efforts (which, frankly, are pretty lame), there is animal hair everywhere.

So I've thought of a great idea for a new Home & Garden show called "Animal Instinct," or possibly not. Dunno. It would feature perky people with entirely too much time on their hands showing us inferior souls how to decorate our homes so that shed animal hair is a feature instead of a distraction. The more hair, the better. In fact, your home would actually go up in value the more pet hair there is.

Provide this idea catches on -- and I can't see why it wouldn't -- my house would be worth several gazillion dollars in a matter of weeks. Come to think of it, there could be a cross-over with that fashion channel thingy, which would show the latest clothing designs to incorporate the casual yet elegant dusting of animal hair on shirts, jackets, pants, etc. It's a look I personally sport, and I must say, it really is quite fetching.

These shows could also work on Animal Planet. I don't care, as long as I get paid a large fee for thinking up the idea. So if anyone out there works for any channel interested in my ideas, let me know. And remember: I prefer cash.

Tune in next time...

I'll be tackling the high mortality rate and questionable morality of fairy tales, or maybe the infernal mouse which lives in our house somewhere. Unless I forget. Hey, I know... I'll leave myself a voice memo.

Return of the queen

2006-05-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

I want you to know, loyal reader(s), I haven't abandoned you. You've been on my mind and in my heart since my last post, but I became sidetracked.

My major distraction was the creation of Tango the Wonder Kitty's month-old MySpace profile. It wasn't my idea to make it, it was Tango's. I just did the manual labor.

His friends list is for other cats, dogs, etc., and a select few humans. If you want to be one of the few, message him on MySpace about wanting to be a friend and that you know him from this blog.

I also have a MySpace profile, but it's pretty lame, since Tango makes me spend all my time doing his. I'm open to human friends, though, so feel free to send friend requests. If Tango lets me take time out from him, I'll be sure to approve you.

Tango's profile has his own blog, from his point of view. Check it out when you have time.

Oh, and I put up several photos of Tango and the other kitties at Flickr. They are adorable little twerps.

Really bad gas

You may recall my recent troubles with the Purple Plaything, which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy. It turns out I had a batch of crappy fuel, which was causing it run like it had rocks up its muffler, if you know what I mean.

I gave it some Tums, and it's running better now. Not great, but better.

Boring life as I know it

Another reason I haven't blogged is a simple one -- my life is very boring. Want to hear about the cereal I ate this morning? How about the new mouthwash I bought?

Yeah, me either.

If anything fairly interesting does happen, though, I'll let ya know. Or maybe I'll just make something up.

It's alive.... alive!

2006-01-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

Warning: innuendo of the sexual variety abounds in today's post. Consider this a warning.

It all came down, as so many things do, to a nipple. Yes, friends, it appears what was wrong my the Purple Plaything (which is still a Honda scooter and not, despite the nipple reference, a sex toy) is the 'nipple' on the spark plug wasn't removed before it was installed.

I had no idea spark plugs even had nipples. I mean, I know some cars wear bras, but I'm fairly certain it's not in order to hold actual nipples. And I refuse to make any remarks about something called a 'plug' having a nipple. It wouldn't be right.

I wonder if those on the mailing list will ever see this post, or if their spam filters will automatically delete it based on the above. If you don't get this, let me know. ;-)

Anyway, so it's all my fault, since I was the one who changed the spark plug. But no one ever told me about anything needing to be removed, so I plead ignorance... which, of course, isn't exactly a stretch of the imagination.

Bless my brother for figuring out the problem, and curse him for not telling me of the nipple when he showed me how to change the spark plug. But he works for free, so I can't complain too loudly.

In related news, I almost didn't get the danged scooter back because the plastic rear frame panels which cover the engine on either side finally gave out after many removals for repairs over time. This is plastic which starts to break if you look at it funny. It would have cost me $79 per panel to replace them, but my darling brother put a few screws in places it didn't have screws to get it to stay. There is a rather noticable hole in one side, but I'll take what I can get.

And no comments about 'screws,' 'rears,' and 'holes,' eh? This post is too perverted already.

If anyone knows of the location of some cheap rear frame panels for a 1999 Honda Elite 50S scooter (I'd prefer purple, but I'll take anything), let me know.

Anyway, I'm back in business as of today. Well, only sort of. Oregon is presently having a ton of rain, so scootering is on hold, barring any emergencies... such as if I need an emergency injection of chocolate.

Oh, lord... no comments about the 'chocolate' thing either, okay? At least I didn't say 'fudge.'

Okay, so I just did. Sorry. I think I need to go take a nap. Obviously my brain is out of commission.

Take care, all, and take care to remember the nipples in your life. They may affect you in ways you can't even imagine.

In sickness and in health

2005-12-08T00:44:00.000-08:00

The Purple Plaything, which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy, is sick. Based on my vast mechanical knowledge, I have conclusively ruled out it's not the spark plug, or the... well, that's the extent of my mechanical knowledge. All I know is the darned thing won't start.

So my brother took the scooter home with him. It wasn't easy to see my baby go. I'm feeling a void in my heart, an emptiness which can only be filled by chocolate. But I don't have any chocolate, and I can't go to the store to get any. I have nothing to drive.

My prayer this holiday season is that the scooter won't cost a lot to fix, thereby making said holiday season a bit difficult in the gift giving department. The last time it wouldn't start, it cost me over $100 in replacement parts. I may have to start selling spare body parts to pay for it. Anyone need a used spleen? Tonsils? Brain?

In Tango the Wonder Kitty news, I'm happy (?) to say he's decided to do a few misdeeds, just so I'll have something to ramble about. That really was sweet of him.

Why, just the other day he took all of the towels out of the bathroom cupboard and spread them all over the room. And then he unraveled most of a roll of paper towels in the kitchen. He also got under the couch earlier and made weird noises to terrorize the rottweiler who had been sleeping on said couch. Because all rottweilers sleep on couches, when they aren't sleeping on waterbeds.... don't they? If not, they should. Ours seems happy with the arrangement.

That's all for now, but tune in next time for three dancing bull dogs, all in a row... provided I can get a decent picture of them. They don't move around much, but taking in all the gorgeous details will be a challenge.

Harry, dishes, Halloween, & alphabet fun

2005-11-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Greetings, once again from ramblings land. In this issue, we explore fun with the alphabet, poorly photographed Halloween decorations, and my disturbing fascination with doing the dishes.

CORRECTION: In my last post, I mentioned it had been four months since I'd previously posted. It had actually been five months. This is because I forgot to include October when I was counting back to June. I do that a lot. I also confuse portions of the alphabet on a semi-frequent basis. In my brain, I want J to come after K, not before it. G should come after H. And Q... well, Q doesn't exist. Looking for a name in a phone book or a word in a dictionary is all kinds of fun when I'm around. I literally have to sing the alphabet song in my head when I'm scanning the pages.

Anyway, I regret the month-counting error. It's likely to happen again, though, so I won't make any false promises otherwise.

In Halloween decorations news, here's the link to photos of most of the decorations I put out this year:

http://specialweb.com/halloween2005

It rained, so they're mainly bunched up under a tent to keep the electronic ones dry. I was darned near asleep by the time I finished decorating, so the pictures aren't great.

The 3rd annual M&M pumpkin is Red (at left). It's a handy dandy fake pumpkin, so I get to keep it for next year. That makes me happy. I did realize after Halloween I forgot to include eyebrows, so I'll make that addition next October. Provided I remember October exists.

In household chores news, I've developed what I consider to be an unfortunate affinity for doing the dishes. We recently bought a new dishwasher after not having one for well over two years, and ever since, I've actually looked forward to loading the darned thing. I get annoyed when it's not full enough to run it.

This is significant, because growing up, one of my chores was to unload the dishwasher. I hated doing it, and would find all kinds of excused to put it off. I'm afraid this means, at the age of 31, I've finally grown up. At least partially. I still refuse to learn how to run the washing machine.

That's all for now... I have to go rest so I stand a chance at being awake Thursday night for the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie. Does it mean I'm still young since I'm going to see Harry Potter, or does it mean I'm too old because I'm concerned I won't be able to stay up that late?

Maybe I shouldn't think about it too much. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dishwasher to unload.

Getting lost along the way

2005-11-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

Hi.

I, uh... well, I've been extremely remiss in my self-appointed duty to ramble. I'm quite ashamed, and have denied myself chocolate for a whole hour in penance. That is how seriously I take my duty.

You may be wondering where I've been for the last four months. Or, more likely, you might be struggling to remember when and why exactly you either bookmarked this site or signed up for the mailing list. Either way, I'll give you all the sordid details.

Okay, there aren't any sordid details. I've just been busy. Well, that and Tango the Wonder Kitty tried to kill me not long ago, or at least tried to amputate my leg, as evidenced by the four inch long scratch on my upper thigh caused by Tango's claws. That's the last time I wear shorts and let him lay on my lap.

Then the other day I tried to burn off my arm. I was attempting to help my mother cook and some very hot oil in the skillet jumped out and landed on my wrist. There's a reason I don't cook. It's safer for me and the general public if I don't.

That could date back to when I was a child and I, for no reason anyone could discern, stuck my hand in a skillet of hot gravy. I don't consciously remember the incident, but I believe it scarred me mentally for life, and I still can't be near a skillet without some sort of repercussions.

On the mildly interesting side, the hot oil from the other day left a smallish burn in the shape of an exclamation point. So my wrist is in a constant state of surprise... and a bit of pain.

Another reason I didn't ramble was Hurricane Katrina and the other hurricanes. No, I wasn't a victim of any of them -- I am well away from the afflicted areas -- but after seeing the human tragedy on TV, I just wasn't in the mood.

And you know us women we just aren't in the mood.

But, most of all, the reason I haven't rambled is Tango. Aside from his attempted amputation, he's been pretty well behaved. Well, for him, anyway. He's my primary rambling source, and he's been relatively story-free. I do appreciate the irony, though. By being good, he's causing a problem. I think he does it on purpose.

That said, I'm sure he'll do something or other worth writing home about. And I shall endeavor to be a better rambler.

Tune in next time when I share the photos of Halloween 2005. Provided I remember to post them.

Take care, all, and a special howdy to Carla, who reminded me I've been a bad, bad rambler. I apologize, Carla, and thanks for taking the time to email me. It's appreciated.

Nuts, flat tires, and graduations

2005-06-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

A conversation you should never have with your mother

My mother and I had the following exchange the other day:

Me: "Where are my nuts?"
Mom: "I can get you some."

After the words left my mouth, became clear of several things at once:

Perhaps I could have worded that differently
I don't want my mother to be involved in anything having to do with procuring me any sort of nuts
I really should keep better track of my nuts

They're presently sitting on my desk. In a can. And I must say, they really taste good.

I won't mention my mother did indeed show me some nuts, but they were chopped up and I prefer them whole.

Graduating into oblivion

I went to my niece's high school graduation last week, where I learned a few things:

The mayor of Salem, Oregon, who gave what I'm guessing was a rousing and fascinating speech (I wasn't really listening -- see below) , where she explained how she Worked Hard and Achieved Success, and You Can Too (I didn't need to listen to know what she'd say)
When one is sitting in a public setting and one's body decides to starts its period in a definite and profound way which would make your local volcano look like a kid's science fair project, one should be thankful for wearing black pants
If one is filming some sort of event -- graduation, wedding, birth of a child, etc. -- one doesn't actually have to pay attention to whatever one is filming, because one's primary focus becomes the camera. You don't have to pay attention -- you're filming it! You'll see it later! This is why I am the family camera person

Speaking of filming things, I took pictures and filmed a Memorial Day event at a cemetery, which was attended by several live people and nearly 5000 non-living. My mother is president of the non-profit group which is soon-to-be officially running said cemetery in about a week (and have been running it unofficially for a while)... so I went and stuck my head behind the cameras, thereby insuring I wasn't actually in any of the resulting images.

http://www.fohcc.org/memday2005.html

I ended up making a DVD (also VHS for the tape aficionados out there) out of it, so if you have a spare $10 laying around, feel free to spend it by ordering a DVD. Preferably the one I made, but it's up to you. It's for a good cause. You know you want to.

Scooter scooting scuttled

The back tire on my Purple Plaything (which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy) went flat again last night. This is the third time in about a year. Call me crazy, but I'm sensing a trend.

My brother is hopefully coming out tonight to taking the fudging thing off to see if there's something inside the wheel causing it. I wasn't even on the danged thing when it went flat this time. Maybe the Plaything gets bored when I'm not around and has to find ways to amuse itself.
Or, maybe it's just tired of hauling me around. I noticed the other day I've put almost 5500 miles on it. Considering the town in which I live is only about four miles across (and the scooter doesn't go fast enough for me to be able to leave town on it), that's quite a bit.

So I'm stuck at home until the tire gets fixed. Where I can have fascinating conversations about nuts.

I really hope the scooter gets fixed soon. In the meantime, Tango the Wonder Kitty, who has been remarkably well behaved as of late (I wonder what he's planning), says 'hi.'

Let the geekfest commence

2005-05-19T03:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a little tired, so this ramble will likely be short, and it may or may not make sense... well, less sense than normal. I just returned from seeing Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, and I feel the need to babble forth about the movie. Don't worry, I won't go into detail, I just wanted to say this:

It rocked.

There. I'm all done.

Talking about the movie, that is. Instead, I want to talk about community pride. I live in a small town with a single one-screen theater. That theater is run by a family which does everything it can to better the community, and to bring it together -- from hosting concerts, to showing old movies to benefit the local food bank, to any number of other things.

And tonight, the community -- well, 311 (the capacity of the theater) of us -- was brought together in a pretty cool way. We waiting in line before the movie outside, with no fear of being out on the streets in the middle of the night (being next door to the police station helped, of course), and everyone chatted with everyone else. We viewed Star Wars memorabilia which was on display at the Grauman's Chinese Theatre back in 1977 when the first movie was shown there. We watched pre-movie Star Wars stuff and had a sing-along when they played a video set to "Weird Al" Yankovic's "The Saga Begins", which is a Star Wars-themed parody of Don McLean's "American Pie." We applauded when the movie started, and we applauded when it ended. I spoke with a reporter from the local paper and said some incredibly geeky things, and had my picture taken with a cardboard cut-out of Chewbacca.

And here's the really geeky thing -- on the way home, zipping through the dark streets on my Purple Plaything (which is still a Honda scooter, I swear) at 2:30am, I had the eerie feeling the Force was with me.

Like I said -- major geekfest. Such is life. Even the weather -- which had been full of wind, thunder, and a lot of rain this morning -- cleared out and was crystal clear this evening so us folks waiting outside in line didn't have to go into the theater looking like drowned rats.

Instead, we were something of a sideshow to those passing in cars. But, again, such is life. As for me, I haven't been feeling too well lately, and wasn't sure I was going to be up to going. Somehow, today was a better day, and I was able to go.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go wind down so I might have a chance at sleeping before morning. That, and I need to figure out how many of my nieces and nephews I can gather this weekend so I'll have an excuse to go to the movie again. Maybe if I work it right, they'll be out this weekend and next weekend. You know, so I can spend quality time with each of them.

Yeah. Right.

May the Force be with you.

Oprah worshipping and Tango renovations

2005-05-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

Today's ramble is brought to you by:

Tango the Wonder Kitty's Home Renovations
"If all your belongings aren't all on the floor, they will be!"

Why go out of your way to put your things in closets, cupboards, and in drawers? Tango can reorganize and restructure your home to create a centralized content location! No more searching all over the house for your car keys, glasses, appliances, children, pets, etc. Just let Tango use his patented "bat at with paws" technique to quickly and efficiently put everything you own onto the floor. You'll be glad you did.

Call now for hourly rates. We accept catnip, canned cat food, and treats only. Void where prohibited by allergies. Not responsible for damaged items, shed cat hair, or anything else for that matter.

The other day while I was sitting at my computer, Tango got up and sat on the computer tower and stared at me. I was busy, so I wasn't paying much attention to him. So, Tango being his innovative self, decided to start knocking things off the shelves of my desk to get my attention. I'd stop him from doing it, he'd sit there for a minute, and then he'd start doing it again. Each time I'd stop him he'd start purring at me and rubbing up against my monitor.

It didn't do any good to make him get down, of course, because he'd jump right back up and do it again. And it's hard to be mad at him when he's purring like that. He knows that and uses it to his advantage. He has me well trained.

In religion news, I discovered a fascinating fact while waiting in line at the grocery store the other day:

In case the photo doesn't display, it says: "Alien bible found! They worship Oprah!" I think this factual factoid of absolute truth was from The Globe, or some other reputable and not-at-all fictional periodical.

Finally, a religion I can get behind.

Another headline seen in the pic is "Freaky Good Friday - God shows up at mall!" I was left to wonder if He was there to buy something, or if He was hawking some goods. Maybe those Jesus-scented candles I heard about on CNN.

I could have actually read the article, but I believe when it comes to God-related matters, people should be left seek out their own answers.

Well, that, and I didn't want to be seen reading a tabloid. I do have some standards, such as they are.

Remember me? And some toilet humor

2005-04-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

Um.

*Ahem*

Okay, so I uh... well, I haven't posted recently. By recently, of course, I mean July of last year. I haven't been feeling well lately, and I just got sidetracked. But an email from the lovely Carla the other reminded me I've been entirely to lax in my rambling duties. I hereby resolve to possibly ramble again before next July, but I'm not promising anything.

:-)

To those of you who are still on the mailing list (you did remember you were on the list, right?), I thank you. To reward (???) you for your faithfulness, below is an account of a recent real life melodrama experienced by yours truly and Tango the Wonder Kitty.

Until next time, take care all. Tango says hi.

The Toilet Swirls

Setting: my bathroom, 5am, the other day

A half-naked woman named Celine finishes her business and tries to flush the toilet, only to have the handle flop about like a fish on land. The toilet won't flush.

Knowing nothing of the inner workings of commodes, she nevertheless removes the tank's lid fearlessly delves into its bowels (of the tank, that is). Oh, and she pulled up her pants. Not necessarily in that order.

She soon discovers, displaying an impressive intellect and astute deductive reasoning, that the handle, despite being made of quality plastic parts, is broken.

Tango the Wonder Kitty suddenly appears on the counter next to the toilet and begins to purr loudly. He likes it when things go wrong. He also tries to climb in the tank, despite it being filled with water. Or maybe because of it. He has tried to climb into a bathtub full of water in the past, after all. Repeatedly.

After moving Tango out of the way, Celine removes the handle and the bar thingie and the rubber chain thingie (to use technical plumbing terms), setting them on the counter while she thinks about her next move. Tango the Wonder Kitty picks up the rubber chain thingie in his mouth and tries to leave. Celine, used to Tango's devious ways, grabs it out of his mouth before he can disappear. Strangely, this only makes Tango purr more.

After waiting 2.5 hours for the hardware store to open, Celine zooms on down on the Purple Plaything (which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy) in the rain (of course it was raining) to buy a new tank lever thingie. She buys a metal one, thinking it would be sturdier than plastic. She's brilliant that way.

Arriving home, Celine tries to install the new lever thingie, only to discover it only sort of fits, leaving plenty of room for the handle to wiggle, since the new metal parts don't sit in the hole of the toilet tank properly. Which means, of course, a new lever needed to be purchased. This makes Tango happy, since that means Celine has to sit and fiddle with the toilet some more. His purring gets so loud it makes the floor shake.

By this time, Celine, who didn't actually get any sleep the night before, decides to just screw the whole thing and go to sleep. Who needs a toilet, anyway? The house does have two bathrooms, although the other one is filled with boxes and isn't what one might call accessible. Minor detail.

So after a nap cut short by the unreasonable need to urninate. It has been discovered by the other human occupant of the house that if one pulls up on the chain inside the tank, one can flush it without using the handle. Tango likes this solution, since that means removing the tank's lid, which means he can try to climb in it again.

But, alas, it's not exactly a practical solution, so back to the hardware store Celine goes. After examining approximately 12 million tank handle thingies, Celine is forced to select yet another plastic handle and lever, which looks exactly like the old one which broke, since it's the only one which will fit through the hole in the tank. This figures.

So, once again, Celine fiddles with the toilet, Tango purrs, the handle is replaced, and the toilet is once again in working order. Until the plastic breaks again.

Celine wouldn't be surprised if Tango, using his many feline skills, figures out a way to break the handle himself, just so Celine has to fix it again. Heck, she wouldn't be surprised if he broke it in the first place.

He could be doing so right now. Maybe it would be a good idea to stock up on toilet handle thingies. And buy stock in the company.

The End

Tango the mindreader and other happenings

2004-07-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

I am firmly convinced Tango the Wonder Kitty can read my mind. Not that it would be much of a challenge, but that's beside the point. The point is Tango has some serious skills.

Early this morning I was laying in bed wondering where Tango was (he doesn't always sleep with me), and the next thing I knew, he was climbing up and laying on my side. That happens often, and in a variety of circumstances. Yes, it could be a coincidence, but I don't think so. That boy is strange, so being able to read minds is right up his alley.

In related news, he and one of my other cats, Butler, are getting along much better now that Butler has been neutered. Today they were both rolling around on the floor together in a catnip-induced haze, happy as could be. Normally they would have been hissing at each other and stealing the other's catnip. The rolling around thing was much cuter.

In scootin' news, the Purple Plaything, which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy, has reached 5000 miles on the ol' odometer. Please take a moment to send good thoughts its direction that it will continue for another 5000. At least.

In exercising news, I am proud to say I am still at it. Exercising, that is. I bought actual hand weights in lovely purples and greens, which means I was able to put the pork and beans back in the garage. Looking at the weights don't make me hungry. Looking at the cans of beans did. Funny, that. I also bought some leg weights which say they are "one size fits all." They lie.

But I'm using them anyway. Before we know it, I'll be all svelt and trim and stuff. Or not. I'm thinking I'll be thin sometime after I'm dead. Anyway, my goal isn't to be thin (I kinda doubt that will ever happen), it's to be healthier. A cliche, but it's also true. So I'll do my best with what I have.

Such as it is.

Heaven help me.

Exercising my demons

2004-07-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do mean exercising, not exorcising. I haven't forgotten the lessons learned in my last ramble, which was about poor spelling and grammar, and the resulting fall of civilization.

I did, however, forget to include the ever infamous "to/too" spelling mix up, as pointed out by my pal Val. I am deeply ashamed, and shall commence banging my head upon the nearest wall repeatedly once I post this ramble. Also, thanks to everyone who wrote in response to my last post. Y'all rock profoundly.

This particular post, as I mentioned above, is about exercising my demons, which is to say I've started working out. It all started last month when I was out and about one day and came across a yard sale at the local grade school where I scored a stepper exercising thingie (a technical fitness term), complete with moving arm thingies, in good condition for only two dollars. I thought that quite the deal.

The strange part of this story is that I've actually been using it. Every single day. I've even started to add in other exercises... which, incidentally, would serve to explain the two cans of pork and beans sitting on my desk. I've been using them as hand weights when I do arm exercises.

This is vast improvement over previous attempts at a sustained exercising regime, which usually culminated in me using whatever exercise equipment I had as a clothing racks. A useful function to be sure, but did very little to further my health improvement objectives.

Which is where the whole "demons" thing comes in. I have a terrible history of starting and stopping on the exercising front, so it's going to take some doing to keep this up. But I'm determined, and I know I need to do this, so I think I'm off to a good start. There are a lot of exercises I can't do because of health problems, but I'm doing those I can handle physically.

Tango the Wonder Kitty News

He cost me $38.50 the other day. Well, indirectly. He and one of my other cats, Butler, had taken to getting into hissing contests and fights on a regular basis, so I took Butler in to be neutered. He was the only one unaltered, and Tango seemed to be jealous. He has an inferiority complex anyway, and that didn't help.

This will hopefully reduce or stop the fighting, etc., because it was getting incredibly annoying. They never really hurt each other, but they did make a heck of a lot of noise.

In related news, Tango's favorite perch, my printer/scanner/copier/juicer/dishwasher/duster, has been moved, and he's not exactly happy. My brother gave me a mini-fridge which I've placed where the printer used to be, and placed the printer on the other side of it. This has totally disrupted Tango's usual path, going from my printer to my stereo to my computer to my monitor, and back again. He now has to find a way to get up on the fridge to get to my printer because it's up higher than it used to be.

This, of course, means he's using the back of my desk chair as the launching pad to get up there, and my chest as the landing pad to get back down. You really haven't lived until you've had a cat drop out of the air and onto your chest without warning. You should try it sometime... provided you don't have a weak heart.

I'm going to sign off now, so I can, you know, exercise some more. There's nothing like stepping and stepping and stepping and always staying in the same spot. I could point out potential symbolism in that, but I won't. I don't want to have to exercise my brain, too. I do have my limits.

But before I go, I must take a second and recommend a couple of female artists I recently discovered -- Keri Noble and Jonatha Brooke. Keri has a haunting voice and some great songs ("Bartender" is awesome), and Jonatha is fun, does some spiffy covers, and has proven consistantly good.

And I like her hair.

Okay, enough from me. I'm going to step to nowhere now. Take care, all.

Me spell pretty one day

2004-06-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

Warning: rant ahead.

When I was in 9th grade, all students were given a list of words which we had to spell correctly, or else we would have to take the test over again until we achieved a perfect score. They were fairly simple words, but ones everyone should know.

One of those words -- or, rather, two of them, but that was the point -- was "a lot." This was to make sure we knew they were, in fact, two separate words, and not one, as a lot of people tend to write.

Evidently, the makers of a national car commercial didn't go to my high school, because the other day, written in large letters on the screen, those words written as one -- the ever infamous "alot." I couldn't help but wonder how many people watched that commercial over the course of producing the commercial. How many people saw it and didn't notice, or didn't know it was wrong. I was annoyed, yes, but I was also saddened.

I'm not a spelling and grammar... er, elitist, I guess you could say. I make my fair share of typos and my sentence structure isn't always sound. You're bound to find any number of grammatical errors in this post. I do, however, make an effort to write things correctly. My mother would kill me if I did otherwise, and my school teacher grandmother would roll over in her grave. But I get frustrated when people either don't know better, or don't care.

And those twelve essays a term in my (public) high school didn't hurt. They were annoying, but I did learn some things.

One sees a lot of misspellings on the internet (and I'm not talking about chat room abbreviations, or other intentional misspellings). Examples: "definately" instead of "definitely" leaps immediately to mind. There is no "a" in definitely, despite its widespread popularity. And it's "no one" and not "noone." "Thank you" is two words, as well. The word "it's" is a contraction, meaning "it is" and not a possessive form of "its," which is just "its." I do confess to making this mistake far too often, so I don't mind as much when others make this particular mistake. And I often can't figure out when to end a paragraph and start a new one to save my life.

I'm not a complete snob. I just don't like the so-called "dumbing down" of America, and elsewhere. I'm not asking for much... just a little basic knowledge. I don't know why some folks can't spell certain words, and I'm not blaming anyone. And I don't judge someone as to whether they can spell everything right. I know not everyone has an aptitude for spelling, and some folks have cognitive problems which can impare spelling and grammar abilities... myself included. But I try to be aware of what I might be doing wrong, and I use sites such as Dictionary.com on a frequent basis. The internet is a wonderful resource, and if I don't know something, chances are I can find out.

Perhaps I'm nitpicking and should worry about more important things. But these simple things seem to be symptomatic of a larger problem. And that is why it bothers me. It's those who should or do know better, but don't... I don't want to say "care" because I don't know the reasons. Whatever it is, it's disappointing.

I'm thankful my mother instilled a desire to learn. I have a wonderful mother who encouraged me to seek knowledge, when to a decent public school (though it definitely had its problems), and have access to the internet, which has proven invaluable to me. There are far too many out there who aren't as fortunate.

I guess I just want to encourage those who can to make a little bit of extra effort. And I don't mean in just spelling and grammar, but in general. Far too many little things get left behind... we don't hold open doors for others, using turn signals appear to be a thing of the past, slowing down for pedestrians to cross the street happens far to rarely... not to mention the lack of using "please" and "thank you."

Show respect for others, show respect for yourself. And if you choose flame me because of what I've written, know that "you suck" is two words when you write your email. Thank you.

Tango the Wonder Kitty's big movie debut

2004-05-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

So, has everyone seen Tango's new movie, Shrek 2? His character's name, of course, is Puss In Boots, but we all know it's really Tango in that stylish outfit. A side-by-side comparison:

Puss In Boots:

Tango On Couch:

See? It's Tango. It really was quite spiffy of Antonio Banderas to do the voice. Very fitting. But I am wondering when Tango's going to get paid for the movie. It has grossed over $200 million so far, so surely the money will come any day now.

Puss In Boots should have been based on Tango. They have the same personalities, even. They're both very fond of themselves, they're both vain, and both love to scratch the heck out of others. They're twins.

Speaking of Shrek 2, if anyone has the overwhelming urge to buy a Shrek 14" plush doll, please see my eBay auction (ends June 2nd at 9:12pm Pacific time). I actually have three of the little critters... one will be going to my niece and I will probably sell the other one, depending on whether this one sells.

So if you're interested, please bid. It will go to a good cause, namely me. I'm broke. ;-) I really want to keep one of the dolls (I'm 30 going on 8, and I'm okay with that), but such is life.

Hey! I can get Tango to shed on it if you want... you know, for added value.

Or not.

In non-Shrek 2 news, I'm happy to report my chow, Tai, has been doing better lately, so hopefully he'll be around for a few more months, at least. The medicine he's on is expensive ($60/month), but he's worth it. Now, if I could just convince him he really doesn't have to go outside every night at about 3am, life would be good.

Speaking of that, one of my other dogs, Lucky, has taken to getting me up in the mornings by whining, barking, and moaning very loudly in the most pathetic manner you've ever heard. She's quite adept at making sure I know she's very lonely and needs us both up right this very second. And I can't even yell at her to stop because the danged thing can't hear very well.

This is the same dog who won't let me close my bedroom door at night for more than a few minutes before she starts whining. And if she's actually in my room when I close it, she whines to be let out.

This from a dog who spent the first nine years of her life as an outdoor dog before she came to live in Suckerland, a.k.a. my house. Which is why she does it, I'm sure. No more being left alone for her.

Needless to say, I haven't been getting much sleep lately. Tango's been on a major knocking-things-out-of-the-cupboard-where-his-catnip-is-stored kick, which he only feels compelled to do at night. Telling him "no" doesn't faze him, so it doesn't do any good to scold him. I think he likes it, actually. He's really not normal.

I'm off to go try to get some sleep before the circus starts again tonight. If you don't hear from me ever again, it will be because I've finally lost all of my marbles and the nice men in white coats have come to take me away. Which, when I think about it, sounds rather good... no cats, no dogs...

No, never mind. As much as they drive me crazy, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Which proves I really am insane.

And find me they shall

2004-05-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

I'm more than a little concerned over the way in which folks find their way to this blog. A few examples of recent keyword searches used:

mavis applewater, fish
horse paperweight "decisions, decisions"
free lesbian licking
Pictures of Carrie fisher wearing diapers
magic rattle poo
public domain photos of corn cob pipes
spaceballs gender roles
anderson cooper's dog
lesbian hat random face
"male dog"+lipstick
"tow truck" AND pig AND xena AND uber
Ellen Degeneres men's watches
dead fish jerry springer
celine's dog sex
days of our lives soap booger
anderson cooper self made tan
naked sexy divas

I don't even know what to say about these. Who would want to see Carrie Fisher wearing diapers? What's up with "male dog" + lipstick? What is a soap booger? What on earth is going on with people??

No, wait, I don't want to know. I don't think I could take it.

A little bedroom action

In other news, I had a man with a big tool in my bedroom not long ago. And let me tell you, when he plugged it in and the action started, it was full speed ahead. He knew just where to connect to make me see lights flashing before my eyes.

I don't even know his last name. It doesn't matter. What he did for me was glorious, but I hope I don't see him again for a long, long time.

The man, of course, was someone from the phone company, and he was changing my DSL line to a different circuit. My connection had been wonky for several days to where it would stop responding throughout the day and I'd have to reset everything. Repeatedly. But my new friend with the big tool changed all that.

Incidentally, the big tool was the line tester which made sure things were connected properly. The DSL connection, that is. And now that I'm happily connected once again, I don't need the man with the big tool anymore. Now, if they'd send a woman...

Ahem. Sorry about that. Don't mind me, just a little daydreaming.

Heck, we wouldn't even need a big tool...

Yep. It's good to dream.

Affection run amuck

Anyway, in Tango the Wonder Kitty news, I don't know how to deal with Tango purring at me all the time. It used to be he would come around when he wanted attention, then he'd go elsewhere and do whatever else he did, which usually involved breaking something. But now... well, he still breaks stuff, but mostly he follows me around, rubbing up things, purring constantly. It's a little disconcerting.

He mostly corners me when I go to the bathroom, because he knows I'll be stuck there for at least a minute or two most of the time. I usually end up having to hold him while he rolls around in my arms, purring and staring at me, demanding I pet his belly.

I have a kitty stalker.

Oh, well. It could be worse, after all. He could expect me to carry him around in my arms all the time, like he did when he was a kitten. And goodness knows, despite how much trouble he gets into, I wouldn't trade him for anything. He's my little man.

Yes, I do realize how badly I need a social life.

But, I am thankful for each of my animals, especially now. One of my dogs, the chow named Tai, is not doing too well, and he's going to have to be put down before long. He's an absolute sweetheart and I'm going to miss him very much.

No matter how many animals I've had in my lifetime, it never gets easier to let one go. I'm just hoping we'll be able to afford to get him cremated like we did with out last two dogs... he lived with them for many years, and he deserves to be there with them when he dies. Right now it's not looking good. We'll see.

Before I sign off, I would just like to ask those of you who have pets to give them extras hugs. And treats. Treats are always good.

More true tales of Tango the Wonder Kitty

2004-04-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Tango likes the dog more than he likes me. An example: the other day, I was sitting on the couch with Tango curled up on my lap, purring contentedly. Then Shasta, my rottweiler, got up on the other end of the couch and laid down. Tango saw that, ditched my lap, and went and plopped himself right between Shasta's front legs, underneath her chin. He never even looked back.

I didn't get a picture of that one with my digital, but later that day Tango curled up next to the dog again, and this time I was able to sneak away to get my camera without disturbing the... well, I'm not sure what to call it. Click on the picture at right to see the full-sized image.

Notice the smirk on Tango's face. Notice the look of resignation on Shasta's.

Tango lays with Shasta a lot. And Shasta, bless her heart, lets him do it without complaint. She's a sweetheart. Of course, Tango's not the cat she's really rather have lay with her. No, that honor goes to Pesha. I have no idea why, but Shasta just adores Pesha, and follows her everywhere. Pesha, for her part, enjoys the attention and loves to play hard to get. Shasta can spend many long minutes just sitting and staring at the cat. It makes her happy.

But when it comes to snuggles Pesha's not interested, so Tango is going to have to do. I'm glad Tango has a new dog friend, because he was quite attached to my cocker spaniel who passed on last May. All kitties need their own dog, don't they? Tango thinks so, and when he gets an idea in his head, that's the way things are going to be. He knows what "no" means, but he simply doesn't care.

A couple of days ago, I went to scan something on my printer/scanner/copier, and discovered he'd set it to make 11 copies of absolutely nothing. Again. He loves to press the buttons to see what will happen. When he gets paper to start coming out of it, he reaches down from his perch on top and bats at the paper until it falls out of the tray. He then goes back to pressing buttons until it happens again.

And I've well documented his love of shredding toilet paper and paper towels. His ability to be in two places at once is amazing. And once he decides to park himself on or next to you when you're in bed, you can be darned sure he won't be moving anytime soon. He even feels heavier than he really is.

He keeps life interesting. Right now he's prowling around behind me, knocking things over (on purpose) as he goes. Uh oh... looks like he's coming this way for an extended snuggle session. Which means I won't be able to type because I'll have to hold him. Here he comes... he's... he's.... asdfoijopwiejfopjasodfij........................................................

Strange happenings in desk-land

2004-03-25T02:08:00.000-08:00

I had the strangest thing happen to me today. There I was, innocently using my computer for innocent activities involving the downloading of fan fiction (which are all perfectly innocent, of course... not a sex scene among them. Ha!), when I realized my Palm's cradle wasn't plugged into my computer.

The strange part came when I pulled out my computer so I could get behind it (I'm a supportive kind of gal), which then led to my having to clean up the papers sitting in the way, which then led to trying to figure out which of the approximately 19 thousand cords on my desk and nearby go to the cradle, which then led my actually having to clean part of my desk, which then led to a revelation: my desk is a lovely fake wood color.

Now, one might assume I would already know this. I do... or, rather, I did, once upon a time, when the earth was young and my desk was new. But that was some time ago, and life goes on. And in my life, I seem to have gathered quite a few miscellaneous papers, CD-Rs, Post-It notes, batteries, a cup, a spoon from regions unknown, SpongeBob SquarePants stickers, various M&M creatures, various computer-related items (some of which I have no clue as to their function), remotes, CDs, Lego's, a replacement face shield for my scooter helmet, a picture of a panda bear, photo paper, a Vince Gill autograph, a stereo (presently playing Jann Arden), some left-over candy from Halloween a friend gave me but I didn't like so I didn't eat it but I didn't have the heart to throw it away, a semi-functioning VCR, pens, toenail clippers, a bag of buttons/pins from my collection but for some reason is separately from the collection and is just sitting my desk, a drink coaster I never use because I can never find it -- in fact, I'm only guessing it's still on my desk, a Boba Fett spaceship action figure my mother unearthed a while back (it was my brother's when he a young lad), a gamepad, a digital camera, a power strip, a DVD player, a few DVDs, speakers, hand lotion, a lamp without a light bulb, a bag of Wint-O-Green LifeSavers I bought but didn't really care for but haven't given them to someone else yet, a computer, a trackball, a monitor, a screwdriver, thumb tacks, Tums, a recently rediscovered sheet of bubble wrap, and a sticker which says "I love to bitch."

That doesn't include what's in the drawers and cupboards. I'm afraid to look in those.

Or, Heaven forbid, the stuff which has fallen behind my desk and is presently lodged between the desk and the wall and shall thus remain there forever because my desk is a corner shape and is quite heavy and awkward and takes at least three people of moderate strength and dexterity to move it.

I also have some face lotion which specifically says it is "day lotion." I have been very careful to avoid using it at night, as I do not want to know what happens if I do. It could be a "Gremlins" thing, and frankly, I don't have enough kitchen appliances to take care of the results. (If you don't understand the reference, rent the movie. Thank you.)

The rediscovery of my desk color has brought forth a dilemma I am unsure how to solve. I could finish cleaning off my desk (putting the contents who knows where.... an alternate dimension, perhaps?) so I can admire the desk in its full fake wood glory. It sounds like a good, solid idea. But I also know me, which is what leads to my hesitation, because I know, deep down, it will be a mess again in short order, should I deign to clean it now.

So I could clean it with the false pretense of keeping it that way, or I could just be honest with myself and leave it the way it is. Decisions, decisions. Be self deluded but briefly more organized, or honest and a mess (the desk that is... I think)?

I won't even begin to mention what the rest of the room looks like. Let's just say my motto is "I'm not messy, I'm creative" and leave it at that.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to stare at the clean spot on my desk while I make my important decision -- to clean or not to clean. This could take days or even weeks, so if you don't hear from me for a bit, you'll know my brain is hard at work, pondering the pro's and con's of this potentially life altering matter. Right now, I'm leaning towards self delusion, but I can make no definitive statements on this matter until it has been thoroughly pondered.

It beats actually doing the cleaning, at any rate. I'd do anything to avoid that. Heck, I spent the last hour or so rambling about it, for goodness sake. I could probably have cleaned the darn thing four or five times by now. But where's the fun in that?

Important late breaking birthday developments

2004-03-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

First, let me apologize to those on the mailing list for the double dose of postings yesterday. I don't know why the blog decided to resend the Feb. 17th posting. I think it just liked the pretty painting contained within.

In birthday news, let me give you a recap of the day thus far:

I went to the friendly neighborhood Bi-Mart (for those not familiar, it's kinda like Wal-Mart, only not) to get some important supplies, namely treats for my cats and Airplane! on DVD, because that is one of my favorite all-time movies, and it is my birthday, after all.

On the way home, my scooter started sputtering, and died about a block away from home. After pushing it up a small but annoying hill, I parked it and dug through the stuff under the seat to get the replacement spark plug and socket to replace it. That's when I discovered I no longer had the socket (thought I did have the socket wrench), so I had to borrow one from the neighbor.

As I was laying on the ground replacing the spark plug and getting rather dirty in the process, my friend came to take me to lunch -- two hours early -- so I didn't have time to change after getting all dirty. Fortunately, replacing the spark plug actually was the problem with my bike, or I would have had to cry, and one shouldn't cry on one's birthday, despite what the song says.

But I could cry, cry if I want to.

So we went to lunch (of course, the first place I wanted to go was closed), and afterwards my friend discovered she'd locked her keys in the car. So I called a tow truck, was told it would be $35 to have the lock opened, and we waited. Did I mention she had an 8-month-old with her? The tow truck came about 20 minutes later, and he opened the door... and was a sweetheart and didn't charge us. I'm thinking I may want to bear his children.

I've decided to spend the rest of the day at home, inside, well away from any sort of vehicle which would surely break if I came within 20 feet of it. Instead, I'm going to watch some movies, eat some popcorn, and forget the statistics that say most accidents occur in the home.

Take care all, and if you don't happen to be having a birthday today, I suggest taking the advice of 50 Cent and "party like it's yo birthday."

But don't invite me to come over. Quite frankly, I may never leave the house again.

My life in so many words

2004-03-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

I've been pondering the meaning of my life lately, since I'm almost old. On the morrow (the 9th) I shall be 30, I figured it was high time I started upon the quest of discovering why I was placed on this earth... what it is I was meant to do.

From what I can tell, it mainly centers around the important duty of petting. I do that quite a bit. And not the happy hot and heavy kind of petting one might do with another human being... no, this is the petting of the dog and cat and occasional guinea pig variety in a very non-sexual way, which doesn't get hot and heavy, but I do get licked in the face from time to time.

So, if that's why I'm here, then I guess I can stop all that pondering. It distracts me from my important petting duties, and we wouldn't want that to happen.

In related news, my mother and I managed, for the very first time, to get my rottweiler, Shasta, into the bathtub for a bath. I've had Shasta since last summer, and in that time, I've tried the bathtub, the shower, a kiddy pool and a hose out back. At 80-85 lbs., she's not a huge dog, but she's not a weakling, either, so up until now she'd managed to avoid getting into all of them, causing me to have to bath her with towels dipped in water. But the other day we actually shoved and pulled her into the bathtub, and she actually stayed there until her bath was over. I'm still amazed.

That was just after I'd bathed both springers, who were fairly cooperative and weren't any trouble at all. Shasta had other ideas. Her problem is she thinks too much. If only she'd learn to relax and enjoy life things would be simpler.

Of course, I don't take that advice often enough, either, so I'm hardly one to talk.

Well, it's getting late, and since I have the important job of getting old tomorrow, I best sign off. When next I ramble I'll have officially changing both digits in my age. But don't cry for me, fore I shall overcome... or, at least, go into denial.

I hate to think what will happen when I hit 40.

For the record, I think neither 30 nor 40 are old. I'm just less prepared for 30 than I thought I'd be, and it's hitting me up side the head. I'll get over it. Chocolate will help. Chocolate always helps. Take care, all.

Purple Plaything milestone, & other terribly important things

2004-02-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

Mark this down on your calendar -- today the Purple Plaything, which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy, reached 4500 miles on the ol' odometer. It's had a few things wrong here and there, but it's been a good scooter over the last 3 years. I loves my scooter, loves my scooter.

In other news, I just finished designing a new site you should all visit. It's for an artist who paints some very spiffy paintings. That's one of her paintings at right.

Bev Osborn Designs ~ http://www.specialweb.com/bev

She paints mainly in watercolor, and is rather good at it... and I'm not just saying that because I was paid to do the site. I own a couple of her prints, and I love them. So go take a look at her work, put one of 'em on your desktop as a wallpaper, send some pretty e-cards, and purchase some prints and greeting cards. Keep the site bookmarked for Christmastime, because some of the e-cards (and prints, wallpapers, etc., for that matter) are holiday and/or winter themed.

In nekkid boobs news, I want to thank spiffy bard Rocky (visit Rocky's Realm), who sent me the link to an extremely educational web page, which provides us the ability to see what Janet Jackson would have looked like had she bared both breasts. Be warned, the page has nudity... but, well, that's the point (those younger than 18 or where it's illegal, don't click below):

The Neil Rogers Show - Janet Jackson's Tit

In I'm getting old news, I will be 30 in less than a month (March 9... again, mark your calendars! Or not.). I should do something interesting to celebrate the coming of the new digits, but, alas, I won't. I have to attend a meeting that night, and I'm not exactly a wild and crazy kind of gal. Not that I have the option, really, with my health being in the crapper. Instead, I'll read something scandalous, such as a Mavis Applewater PWP (Plot, what Plot?) story, and live vicariously. Not that it's any different from what I usually do, but I'll do it with more feeling.

Whatever that means.

I'll also eat some M&M's. Because, after all, what is life without chocolate and some hot-monkey-sex-oriented stories? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I so very much need a life, don't I? Maybe someone will give me one for my birthday.

I'll also accept money.

Or chocolate. Peanut M&M's are preferred, but I'm not picky.

Take care all, and happy birthday to anyone who happens to be having a birthday this year.