A disturbing... well, disturbance has come to my attention. You've probably heard the warnings about using MySpace, due to predators, etc. You may also be aware I was enlisted to create a MySpace profile for Tango the Wonder Kitty.

What you may not know -- indeed, I wasn't aware of it until quite recently -- is what I've come to call Tango's New World Order, or TNWO for short.

Recently, the lovely Tyris contacted me via my MySpace profile. She is a reader of my rambles, and has a cat named Spot. Visit Tyris' profile to see a slideshow of her furry companion (and a beautiful, darling, and simply spiffy Betty Boop street sign, which I probably should mention I made). This is when it all began.

It started innocuously enough -- a coded message from Tango to Spot ("the eagle flies at dawn"), and then back again ("the crow is in the cornfield"). But soon, a bigger picture emerged.

It has been revealed Tango, Spot, and untold numbers of other internet-connected cats (there are way more than you think, trust me), are using the net to bring about this new world order. The details are still unclear, but evidence points to a form of human enslavement, possibly involving the erosion of the o-zone layer. Tyris' and my theory is thus:

The more eroded the o-zone layer becomes, the hotter the planet becomes. To escape the heat and potentially deadly sun rays, people naturally retreat indoors... which is where their cats are. Do you see the genius? The more the humans are indoors, the more attention, food, treats, catnip, etc., the humans give their cats.

As you can see, it's a widespread conspiracy, and it's lead by none other than Tango himself.
I've always wondered why he liked to lay on my printer/scanner/copier so much. Now I see he's been using it to further his nefarious plans. Here I was thinking he was making blank copies by randomly walking on the buttons, but what if they really aren't blank, but can be read by other cats? What if he's scanning in and copying recruitment materials? I have noticed a marked reduction in my printer paper supply as of late.

You may be wondering where dogs fit into the grand scheme of things. Their role is as it has always been: entertainment for the cats. At least, that's how it is in my house. Plus dogs are good for manual labor, and are willing to work for treats and rawhide chews.

And don't think those of you without one or more cats are immune from their plans. I haven't been able to piece together that part of the plan, but it's there. No one is safe.

I'll keep you updated as details become available. If Tango says it's okay, of course.