Hey, friends. I want to apologize to the mailing list folks for accidentally resending my last ramble. I was editing the template for the blog and when I republished it, the ramble went out to the list, as well. Most of the time I can't get this blog to send the email, but when I don't want it to, it does it.

In other news, we have an important mutant snow people update. Spiffy reader Carla brought up the following point regarding my last ramble:

"Snow cones will become the number one selling product." Snow people eating snow cones-- What are you suggesting here, cannibalism??? No self-respecting snow person would eat a cone made of his/her very essence! You cold-hearted creature, you!! Have you ice water in your veins??

She's right, of course. As I told Carla, all these unseasonably low temperatures around here have turned my brain to slush. To any mutant snow people who may read my blog, I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart, and humbly ask that you please, please, please take mercy on me, an obviously incredibly stupid person.

In animated santa news, I've started unpacking the horde of santas and related little lads and lasses, including a whole line of gay santas in festive rainbow colors. I had to stop, though, because I'm out of batteries. You may remember I had to buy approximately 12 billion batteries for my Halloween decorations, but most of those died on Halloween night, so I'm woefully lacking in batteries once again. It's been raining here quite a bit, so I haven't been able to scooter to the store to buy more. If there were a way to encase the Purple Plaything (which is still a Honda scooter and not a sex toy) in a giant bubble and still be able to see well enough to drive, I would do it.

If I fail to ramble again before Thanksgiving on Thursday, I want to wish all who celebrate it a happy holiday. To those of you who don't celebrate it, have a happy non-holiday. I'm going to go now and try to figure out how to get into bed where there are presently two cats on it all curled up and looking entirely too cute. Now, if those weren't cats and were of the human variety, I wouldn't be wasting my time rambling... or sleeping, or...

Um. Sorry. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. As for me, I'm going to sleep, kitties or no kitties, so I can have visions of Renee O'Connor (of Xena: Warrior Princess fame) dancing in my head all night. Sweet dreams, all.

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My little hometown is going to be invaded by mutant snow people. They're everywhere. The snow we had the other day -- the great big huge enormous snowfall of November, 2003 -- has long since melted away, but the snow people live on.

In my neighborhood alone, there are least nine of them, sitting in semi-formed clumps in various yards. They look innocent enough, but I'm certain they're just trying to lure the people of this fine town into complacency so they can attack us when our guard is down. They're going to break into our houses late some night -- you'd think they'd melt once they come inside, but I firmly believe they cannot or they would have done it by now -- and shove snow into our mouths until we drown.

Then they'll assume our identities and become a lobbying group called Snow People for the Ethical Treatment of Snow, or SPETS for short. They'll lobby against snow plows, snow shovels, and other related equipment. They'll get kids on their side by declaring every day a snow day, and will buy various elected officials, who will draft pro-snow bills calling for federally funded snow preservation programs. They'll go on talk shows and debate the issues. They'll fund scientists who will work to create another ice age. Before long, the Caribbean will look like the frozen tundras of the north. Sun worshipers will be forced to run snow-making machines. Snow cones will become the number one selling product. Anyone sporting a tan will be shot on sight. Anyone caught writing their names in the snow with only the tools God gave 'em will have said tools removed immediately. Spiffy skier Picabo Street will be held at ski pole point until she agrees to be the SPETS spokesperson. "Let It Snow" and "Winter Wonderland" will be played all day, every day on the radio. Skis will be mandatory for all individuals.

The only pluses will be an end to global warming, and skin cancer caused by too much sun will be a thing of the past.

So we have that to look forward to. Should be fun. Cold, but fun.

In other news, I have finally put away the Halloween decorations... all 12 million boxes of them. I even pulled out the animated santa collection, which means, of course, I have yet another set of boxes sitting in the living room. But at least they're different boxes filled with different things. And having them filled with Christmas-related items makes things seem more festive. The photo at right is of Tango the Wonder Kitty sitting next to a few of my santas. Click on him to see my collection from last year.

I'm off to go eat some festive pumpkin pie while I await the arrival of the mutant snow people. Maybe I should find where I put my gloves, and get out the heavy jacket. It's going to be cold, you know. Very, very cold.

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Happy World Toilet Day! Yes, friends, November 19th was World Toilet Day. I don't know about you, but I spent many happy minutes today spending time with my toilet, getting to know it better, caressing its shiny surface, and....

Alert! Alert!

We interrupt this informative ramble to provide you with an important Pacific Northwest weather update. To put it in meteorological terms, the weather here in the Northwest is whacked. Our high today in my area of Oregon was 58 degrees (F), and we also had a couple inches of snow in my neighborhood by noon. Some towns had 10" by the end of the day.

The high occurred just after midnight, and then things went all screwy (another meteorological term). Many areas started the morning with flooding, and by noon, the cold white stuff covered the ground, and it didn't let up for hours. It hadn't snowed here in November in nine years. It took the weather forecasters on TV completely by surprise. It was almost 60 degrees yesterday, after all. Who would have thunk (another technical term) it would be a winter wonderland the next day?

So, what with the snow falling and all, I did the required thing and took pictures. Now you, dear readers, get to do the required thing and look at them. Click away...

The Great Oregon Snowfall of November 19th, 2003

Wow. Most of it is gone now, but we might have more tomorrow. Or, with the way things have been going, it very well could be sunny and 80 degrees. For all I know...

Alert! Alert!

We now interrupt this important weather update to bring you a cute Tango the Wonder Kitty photo, which is at right. Click on it to see the complete cute-filled version.

Tango, in his infinite wisdom, decided to fill the void left by my mother's defunct laptop keyboard, and lay in the well where it once resided. He seemed quite pleased with himself. Of course, he always seems quite pleased with himself. My mother did try to type on Tango, but it didn't really work. Maybe next time I should try to plug his tail into the place where the keyboard hooks in.

In other news, people continue to use interesting keywords in the various search engines to find this blog. A few from recent days:

• wearwolf erotica
  
• 80's fashion mug shots guilt
  
• zit commercials ideas
  

I'm also getting more visits via "jerry springer diapers" searches. I'm trying not to think about why people are doing such searches. It makes my head hurt. But we here at the Random Ramblings blog welcomes everyone... diapers and all.

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I want to apologize for not having rambled in the last few days. See, my mother, bless her heart, spilled some coffee on her laptop, causing the laptop's keyboard to leave the land of the living. That means part of my time over the last few days has been spent trying to get the gosh forsaken thing to work. It's a futile effort, but it makes me feel as if I'm doing something. The keyboard is now the cleanest non-working keyboard west of the Mississippi.

It just a few drops spilled, to where she hadn't even realized she'd done it for several minutes... precious minutes in which I might have been able to save the keyboard before the damage was done. But, alas, it was not to be.

So, for now, she's using an external keyboard -- which, incidentally, is missing a key, but that one is my fault... lost it a few years ago. And has been strictly admonished to keep any and all beverages well away from the keyboard. Preferably not even in the same room. As I type this, of course, I have a glass of Pepsi sitting on a shelf directly above my own keyboard, but let's not tell my mother that.

The replacement part will be at least $80, but it's going to have to wait until such a time when one of us can afford it. And to think she once balked at the idea of using a computer, utterly convinced she would somehow damage it. I had assured her repeatedly her it would be fine. I'm obviously stupid.

Did I mention she also got coffee on her mouse? A cordless optical mouse? But it is still working, although I did have to take it apart to clean the little clicker under the right button. Twice.

To be fair, we've all done the same thing. I've done it. Just once. A pretty good track record, considering I've been using computers for many years... much longer than my mother. But I believe my mother has learned her lesson, and will be a good girl from now on.

So now one of us has to acquire some money with which to pay for the replacement keyboard. Send all donations to... ;-) On a serious note, if anyone knows where I can get the best deal on a replacement keyboard for a Toshiba Satellite 4020CDT laptop, I'd be most appreciative. With shipping, the cheapest I've found is a little over $80.

Now I'd best be off. Tango the Wonder Kitty is presently in my closet, so I need get him out before he does something strange in there, like try on all my clothes. I put nothing past him. He's the reason my mother has that cordless mouse, after all. He used to play with the cord of her old mouse constantly. I love my Tango, but he certainly has... uh, issues. Yeah. Issues.

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You may remember the dishwasher was broken the other day by one or more of my dogs and/or cats, so there are a few dishes sitting around in the kitchen waiting to be washed. Those dishes include two cookie sheets which were sitting on the stove.

Notice I say 'were.' I was not-so-pleasantly awoken by them crashing onto to the floor yesterday morning. Lucky, one of my dogs, was happily licking one of the baking sheets when I arrived in the kitchen... that is, until she took one look at my face and went slinking off into the other room.

I live in a madhouse. It's a good thing the puppies and kitties are cute, or I'd have to do something drastic, like... um... well, I can't think of anything, but it would be dastardly, indeed. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? If an animal needs a home, it comes here. That's how I ended up with four dogs, four cats, and a part-time which turned into a full-time guinea pig. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.

In related pathetic news, Tango the Wonder Kitty has a new hobby. Frequent readers may recall my theory that Tango had been mellowing with age... growing up, if you will. Alas, I do believe my theory was complete and utter crap. He's taken up the fun and frequent pastime of unraveling the paper towels from the dispenser in the kitchen. That means I get to engage in the fun and frequent pastime of picking up mass amounts of paper towels on a multi-daily basis.

This makes me opine for the days when he'd spent many happy minutes unraveling the toilet paper in the bathroom. It's cheaper to replace. But, no, Tango has moved on to bigger and better things. But he's also been quite snuggly lately, which makes it really, really hard to stay mad at him.

I am the biggest sucker in the world, aren't I? I blame genetics, quite frankly. Everyone in my family, with the exception of my father (, has the same love of animals. Even my father has a dog, and he doesn't even like dogs... well, except his. He named it Mortie, for no reason anyone can discern, including him. One of my brothers has a veritable zoo, with dogs, cats, rats, a guinea pig, a bird, lizards, fish, etc... he even bought a horse not too long ago. Fortunately he keeps the horse housed at a stable. He (my brother, not the horse) used to have a pygmy goat, too. The goat eventually went to go live on a farm with other pygmy goats, where she has a boyfriend named Michael who loves her even though she head butts him on a regular basis. Or maybe it's because she does that. I don't know.

Anyway, as you can plainly see, I was born with a love of animals and there's no changing that now. It's so very not my fault I'm this way. It's also not my fault I bawl my head off every time I watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and I have never been able to watch Bambi. I couldn't even watch Air Bud when it got to the part where the kid tried to send the dog away. I had to leave the room.

I'm truly hopeless... in so many ways.

Christmas music recommendation

Kathy Mattea has a spiffy new Christmas CD called Joy for Christmas Day. She's technically classified as a country artist, but she's the kind of artist who defies any classification, especially with this CD. If you liked her first Christmas album, Good News, you'll love this one.

While I'm at this who recommending thing, The Blenders, a nifty a cappella group, has two Christmas CDs -- When It Snows, and Nog. Go get them, right now. They're beyond cool.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a guinea pig banging her water dispenser, so I must go feed her before that banging makes me go berserk.

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Tango the Wonder Kitty, bless his little heart, has a tendency to stand on the counter above the dishwasher and using his nimble little paws to open the door... just because he can. Last night he apparently decided to do it again. When I awoke this morning, I discovered the door not only open, but cracked around the hinges so it no longer closes. My guess is Tango opened it and one of the dogs decided to climb on the door in an effort to investigate the contents on the counter, or to investigate Tango.

So we need a new dishwasher. My brother had one given to him by a friend, fortunately, so he'll be bringing it out and installing it later this week. Here's hoping it works. If it does, it will be kept latched from now on, and possibly padlocked, chained, and welded shut. Tango will be kept locked in a closet for the rest of his life.

Okay, maybe not. But he is quite the pain in the posterior end. He's broken other things in the past, including a lamp, drinking glasses, etc. I can't even begin to tell you how much stuff he's knocked off, over, and around. The amount of toilet paper alone he's shredded would be enough to clean the behinds of the members of an average tribal village for a year. And the boy is only three-years-old. Considering cats live around 12-15 years (I had one live to just shy of 20), I'm in for many more years of Tango-induced fun. And to think I acquired him on purpose.

I'm afraid. Very afraid. Maybe I should lock myself in a closet for the rest of Tango's life. But then I would be a literal in-the-closet lesbian, wouldn't I? Too much of a cliche. There isn't any internet access in the closet, anyway, so that's definitely out.

Seek and ye shall find

Speaking of lesbians -- and, quite frankly, who wouldn't want to speak of lesbians -- I've discovered some folks have found their way to this here blog via some interesting search engine keywords.... such as:

• jerry springer diapers
  
• jerry springer lesbian family affair
  
• anderson cooper's girlfriend
  
• anderson cooper's boyfriend
  
• sexual positions pictures
  
• boys dressed as girls
  
• i've been cheating on my husband
  

Most of those came from my rambling about talk show summaries, among other things. If you're one of those who found your way here using such keywords, then by golly, make yourself at home! Everyone is welcome here, including those boys dressed as lesbian girls who've been cheating on their diaper clad husbands with CNN's Anderson Cooper's boy/girlfriend, taking pictures in various sexual positions while on the Jerry Springer Show.

It takes all kinds, after all. I'm just glad you made it, and I hope you enjoy your stay. And come back soon, now, y'hear? You never know what I'm going to ramble about next. I know I certainly don't, and I'm the one writing them. Chances are, I won't even know what my rambles are about even after I've written them. I don't pay too much attention.

I'm going to go now and stare thoughtfully and purposefully at my still yet to be packed away Halloween decorations now. Take care, friends, and tune in next time when I ramble about... er... um... huh. Damned if I know. But I'm sure it will be just thrilling, as always.

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You may remember, at the end of my last ramble, I was determined to clean up my many Halloween decorations. I'm proud to report I did, indeed, pick up Halloween decorations. Yep, I sure did. I picked some from the bathroom (my rotting flesh make-up) and dining room which had been laying around -- all told it was enough to fit into a small plastic bag -- and placed said bag in the living room with the rest of the decorations. It's a start. Of course, I'll have to take those decorations out of said bag and put them into other heretofore unsaid bags, because right now they're all glopped together in absolutely no sort of order. But progress was made, and that is what I choose to focus on.

Having completely exhausted myself with all that hard work, I decided to reward myself by having the grand adventure of actually going to a movie theater to watch -- you'll never guess -- a movie. It was the highlight of my life. I don't get out much. Anyway, I saw Scary Movie 3, which I found absolutely hilarious. It was beyond spiffy. But, then again, I am easily amused. I laughed out loud repeatedly, and that's a good thing. It even had a fabulous reference to one of my favorite movies, Airplane!, which gave it all kinds of happy points in my book.

In other news, I made a profound effort at restraint, but I've finally given in and have broken out the ol' Christmas CD collection, and am presently listening to one of my favorites, Nog by The Blenders, an 'a cappella' group with mad skills.

I just realized I've never actually used the term 'mad skills' before, and am suddenly wondering if I should spell 'skills' as 'skillz' instead. Decisions, decisions.

I'm quite honestly surprised I waited as long as I did to listen to my Christmas CDs. I have been known, when I'm in a wild and crazy mood, to listen to Christmas music in the middle of summer. I love it, and have many Christmas CDs and tapes. Some might say I have too many, but they would be wrong. One cannot have too much Christmas music... unless, of course, one is one who does not celebrate Christmas, or who celebrates Christmas but isn't into Christmas music, or one who... uh... well. You get the idea.

Unless you're utterly confused right now, like I am.

In other news, I want to thank Rocky, spiffy author and all around spiffy person with spiffy cats (visit Rocky's Realm for some nifty stories - especially Serendipity), for attempting to send my last ramble to the mailing list, complete with pictures. Unfortunately, I have the list set to only allowing me to post and all replies are sent to me as the list owner, so it didn't work. But I appreciate the effort, Rocky. I would fall upon the ground and grovel before you, but I don't want to get my pants dirty.

In closing, I'm going to go and do something totally incredibly important now, like, say, twiddle my thumbs, so I best sign off. But before I go, I'd like to leave you with some words of wisdom. That is, I'd like to, if I had any. Unfortunately, I'm fresh out. Instead, I'm going to leave you with a quote from Scary Movie 3:

"I've been in this room for a long time with no one but myself and this chair; I call her... Linda."

May you find some inspiration in these words.

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I am a weak, weak person. Pathetic, really. The reason -- I found a great Christmas gift for my mother the other day, bought it off of eBay, and it arrived today. I had planned, in my dilusional little mental world, to keep it back and give it to Mom at Christmas.

I'm obviously insane. I've never been able to wait, so I don't know why I thought I'd be able to wait this time. But, see, I had to make sure it worked. And that meant getting it out of the box and putting in the batteries, and well, she was sitting there, so I had to show it to her, and...

She loves her gift. It's a paperweight with two 3D computer laser etched in the middle of a block of glass/crystal stuff (you can see it here... and there are all kinds of 'em here, some of which are rather interesting in a various sexual positions sort of way, as well as many non-sexual others), with a lighted base. It's very pretty. She has a thing for polar bears (the Coca Cola polar bear commercials started the whole thing), so I had to get it for her. I guess I shouldn't have bought it so soon. Maybe if I'd waited until it was closer to Christmas, I might have been able to wait. Probably not, but you never know.

So, as you can see, I'm pathetic. This means, of course, I'm going to have to buy my mother another Christmas present, but I'm going to wait until next month to do it. Maybe December 23rd, somewhere around 11:59pm. That way, I might possibly wait until at least Christmas Eve to give it to her.

Yeah, I doubt it, too.

In after Halloween news, I never did get that hat I meant to put on the M&M pumpkin's head, but I found one after Halloween on sale for practically nothing. So I plopped the hat on the little dude's head and took pictures (click on the picture at left to see the bigger version). He's quite handsome, don't ya think?

I presently have a living room full of Halloween decorations which really need to be put away. It looks like the stock room of a Halloween decoration store in there. If any of you want to come over and help me put any of it away, I'll give you some M&Ms for your trouble. The candy kind, that is, and not the pumpkin kind. No, Mr. M&M pumpkin dude is going away in the morning... he's presently sitting at the curb, with the other pumpkins, in our yard debri bin. It was a sad goodbye earlier when I dropped him in the bin, but, alas, 'tis better he rot elsewhere than on my carport.

Yes, friends, it was better to end things now than let it get rotten.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling well lately, so the decorations haven't been put away. Besides, Tango the Wonder Kitty has been having all kinds of fun with them. I wouldn't want to spoil things for him.

In other M&M news, a very nice friend of my brother gave me a bunch of M&M dispensers, etc., the other day, for the second time. He's a sweetie, and he doesn't even know me. Anyway, so I was arranging my various M&M stuff on some shelves, and I decided to take pictures. Not all of it is on the shelves, as the Christmas-related M&M stuff is packed away with my Santa collection, I have a big stuffed green M&M lady sitting elsewhere, an M&M candy jar with actual candy in it in the kitchen, and a yellow M&M shower radio in, strangely enough, the shower.

Most of what I have has been given to me, and until I took the pictures, I didn't realize how much I have. Not a huge amount, but more than a couple things to be sure. Wanna see? Of course you do. Click on the image at right for the full-sized photo.

Yes, that is Tango's picture in the middle of the M&M stuff. One of the M&M things is a picture frame, and I stuck Tango's smirking mug in it. That may sound strange, but at least the Tango in the picture frame isn't getting into any trouble like the real one is. At all times. Okay, right now he's curled up on my bed looking adorable, but that's only because he's recharging so he'll have all kinds of energy tomorrow to get into more trouble. As it is, I have a bunch of papers he knocked onto the floor I need to pick up. Earlier today he was standing on my desk and batting various things off the shelves. I'd set him down on floor, and within seconds he'd be back doing it again. He's nothing if not determined.

I'm going to go sleep now, so that tomorrow I can go in the living room with great determination and put away decorations. Or maybe I'll go get my haircut instead. Or maybe I'll just stay home and pick up after Tango. I lead an incredibly exciting life.

Or not.

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That's right, friends, I have a bunch of pictures from Halloween, 2003, in two formats:

Spiffy version with captions and a slideshow option

Less spiffy version with no slideshow or captions - just a list of pictures

A good time was had by all, and while various children did get scared by the setup in the yard, they seemed to enjoy being that way. A lot of them just stopped and stared around at everything before even coming to the door. I think if it weren't for their parents ushering them along, they'd still be out there, staring.

That's all for now... oh, and thanks to all who sent Halloween e-cards, including Jeanne who didn't give her email address on the one she sent. I hope everyone had a great holiday. I know I did.

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