A rundown of things since we last conversed:

• Is the dishwasher still broken and not replaced? Check. The replacement is still at my brother's house. He's been rather busy helping us with other stuff. See below.
  
  
• Is the waterbed still leaking and not replaced? Checkaroo. It's presently sitting on the patio all cut up into pieces, as we had to take part of it off to mail it to the manufacturer. Once they receive it, they'll send us a new one. The mattress looks like a whale who became confused and beached on the patio, and then sprung a leak and deflated.
  
  
• Is the dryer still broken and not replaced? Nope, we actually have a new dryer, courtesy of my two brothers. It's white and light blue. It would look good in a baby's room. My brother installed it tonight, with only a minimal amount of cursing. For him.
  
  
• Important late breaking dryer update: Well, we used it for the first time tonight. After a few minutes, one of our smoke detectors, which resides in the hallway next to the utility room, went off (and damn is it loud), and the dryer was very, very warm. So the dryer has been unplugged. Back to square one.
  
  
• Is my mom's laptop keyboard still broken and not replaced? Nope, the new one arrived (all $86 worth) and was installed. Computer is now functioning properly once more. Mom has been given strict orders to guard it with her life.
  
  
• Is my rottweiler, Shasta, stupid? Abso-checkin'-lutely. A couple days ago, she decided to run to my mother's bedroom to eat a treat she was given. She didn't bother to look where she was going, and ran head first right into the closed door. The 'thud' noise she made was rather loud. She's okay, but she was a bit dazed for a bit afterwards.

Also, in "it figures" news, our lovely low flow toilet, which backs up more often than most people use the bathroom during the average day, hasn't backed up once since I bought a new plunger.

In food news, I had my first Krispy Kreme donut today, and let me just say this: I'm in love. Which really sucks, because there aren't any Krispy Kreme donut stores around here (the nearest is over an hour away), nor do any of the grocery stores sell them. I acquired mine through a fundraiser. Now that I've had a taste, I want a full-time supplier. I need my fix, man! I need more! Please, I'll do anything, I'll... uh. Hmm. Well, maybe not anything, exactly. And it's not exactly good for my already over extended waistline. But, still. They're really good.

In actually doing something productive news, I wrote the family Christmas letter the other day. Here is the first and last paragraphs:
Here we are once again, celebrating the closing of another eventful year, and we all made it through with all of our various limbs, vital organs, etc., more or less in tact. As you read on to hear all about our lives, take warmth in the knowledge that all arrests will eventually be expunged from our permanent records once the community service has been completed.

We wish all of you a merry Christmas, and hope you have a joyous new year. Take care, and don’t forget to keep in touch. After all, we’re pretty sure all of those restraining orders have expired by now. Happy holidays!
Whatcha think? Sure beats hearing about how Susie graduated from Yale first in her class and won the lottery and married Bill Gates and has 2.5 kids and a dog named Buddy, all with perfect teeth. I try to keep our holiday letters as fictional as possible. If people had to read about what really happens in this family, they'd never speak to us again.

I'm off now to go admire the new dryer. You know, the plunger I bought the other day is purple... it would look good against the white and blue backdrop of the dryer. Yes, yes, that's it... that's... uh, very, very sad. I am so in need of a life. Until then, I'll go stare at inanimate objects. Take care, all.