I love trashy talk shows. They're a non-stop form of entertainment. I don't actually watch  them, of course, but I do like to read the summaries.

I am nothing if not easily amused.

But it's a pastime I had not engaged in for several months, once the web site I had been using to get the summaries started charging for most of their content, the bastards.

Anyway, yesterday, I was minding my own business, when a dormant part of my brain (it's a vast area) which had been housing my love of trashy talk show summaries reminded me I hadn't pursued this intellectually stimulating activity in far too long. So I did a search to find new sources for summaries. And find them I did. A definite cause for celebration. I'll be posting those as I find interesting ones.

But all was not happy in my search. I found out, much to my almost horror, that Jenny Jones, the source of quite amusing titles which always rhymed and did their darnedest to use slang, is no longer on the air. And let us not forget Sally Jesse Rafael's show leaving the airwaves. So dug out some old summaries of Jenny and Jerry and the gang I had previously posted in some old ramblings, just for you, my readers. I know, you're all impressed. My comments are below each summary.

Jerry Springer: Surprise: I'm Having Your Baby!
(Jerry's having my baby?! He swore he was using protection!)

Jenny Jones: You Like to Floss That Body, But Are You a True Hottie?
(Isn't flossing something you do to your teeth?)

Jerry Springer: My Husband Is a Secret White Supremacist
(Not anymore)

Ricki Lake: I'm a Male Virgin and I Want You to Be My First
(No thanks, you're not my type)

Jerry Springer: Here Come the Hookers
(Where?! Will they be here soon?)

Jenny Jones: I Don't Care If You Agree, My Daughter Likes to Drink and Party With Me
(You know, it's good to see a family spending time together)

Jerry Springer: I'm Ending My Lesbian Affair With My Sister
(Can I just say, I'm for that? Ending it, that is. I'm not for starting it in the first place.)

Jerry Springer: I've Been Cheating On My Husband With Our Neighbors
(Okay, I'm curious about this one. Neighbors is plural, so I'm wondering exactly how many neighbors were involved. Two? Ten? How big is the neighborhood? I hope there aren't any apartment buildings nearby. That lady would be quite busy with all those folks. I could watch, but some things are just better left undiscovered.)

Maury: Please Stop Controlling Me!
(Is Connie Chung, Maury's wife, the guest? Who else would Maury be controlling?)

Sally: Face It: We're Over!
(Thank goodness! I've been trying to break it off with Sally for years.)

Jerry Springer: I Starred in an Adult Film With My Boyfriend's Brother
(... And my cat's mother's friend's owner's hairdresser was the director!)

Jenny Jones: I'm Smart and My Looks Are off the Hook, But Guys Don't Give Me a Second Look
(Maybe it's your obsessive need to rhyme everything. That can get really annoying.)

Jerry Springer: My Lifelong Dream Is to Be a Transvestite Stripper
(And they say kids don't know "good" old fashioned values anymore.)

Jenny Jones: Your Teasin' Wasn't Easy, But Now My Looks Are Off the Heezy
(Yet again, I don't have a clue what this means)

Jerry Springer: I Like to Wear Diapers
(Um. Okay. Good for you, Jerry.)

Jenny Jones: You Say You're a Pimp Who Makes All the Girls Holler: Are You a True Playa' Or Just Poppin' Collars?
(I have no ideas what this means. And you know, I'm okay with that.)

Jerry Springer: I Like to Wear My Fiancée's Underwear
(While they're still in them, or... ??)

Jerry Springer: Wine, Women and Thongs
(You know, I might watch this one.)

Jerry Springer: I Just Found Out My Girlfriend Is Really My Sister
(I can't tell you how often that's happened to me)

Jerry Springer: My Husband Drove Me to Have an Affair With a Transvestite
(He drove because he wanted to come watch, me thinks)

Jerry Springer: I'm Having a Lesbian Affair With My Midget Sister
(I'm just not sure what to say about that one)

And, finally, there's these two:

Jerry Springer: I'm Dumping the Man Who Got Me Pregnant for My Pimp

Jerry Springer: I'm in Love With a Dead Fish

I don't know what to say to either one of those, in all honesty. That Jerry Springer... always has his finger on the pulse of what really matters in today's society: pimps and dead fish. Maybe we should flush them all down the toilet and be done with it.

Oh, sure, I know the dead fish in question likely isn't an actual fish (although, really, with Jerry Springer you just never know), but flushing them down the toilet still might be the best solution.

HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN IS ON

In other news, I am happy to report Halloween is just 30 more days away. I am all kinds of pumped about doing the decorations in the yard, but have to wait before I can get them out of the garage, since the boxes take up so much space. At least the coffin doubles as a storage container... which could be because it was made out of a styrofoam storage container. It would be the logical conclusion.